Jon (hulahoop_wound) wrote,
Jon
hulahoop_wound

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Angie, I'm sorry...

Hurting someone that you care about is a really hard thing to do. Especially when, because of being strong for once and not being emotional, the person thinks that you don't care about them. It bothers me. A lot. I really care about Ang, and I care about her future, and her happiness. I do my best to make her happy. When she is stressed and calls late at night, I try to make her smile at least a little bit. I'll admit, though, after a while, it gets somewhat hard to replay the same scenario five times in one week (I might be exaggerating a little bit, but not much). I realize that I hurt Ang. I never intended to. It wasn't like a lightbulb went off in my head and I said "I think I'll tell Ang that I'm not in love with her anymore." All that I have ever wanted is for the two of us to be happy. Whether it be with each other or without, I just wanted the two of us to be happy in the end. And all the while, I thought we would be able to remain friends through it. At one point, we even talked about Ang being a groomsmen in my wedding and I would be a bridesmaid in hers. Comical, yes. But the conversation really took place. That was when we weren't together (just like we havne't been in a long, long time)... When we were "friends."

Something happened between another girl and I, and it felt right. I realize that when Ang thinks about it she probably wants to vomit. Trust me... Been there before. I could have completely beat around the bush and not told Ang about it at all, but I didn't want to do that. I couldn't do that. All I want is for her to open her eyes and see that I was completely honest with her about everything. And that through that honesty, I showed her an amazing amount of respect. I didn't run and hide, and I didn't keep her in the dark. I flat out told her. I want us to be friends. If she doesn't want that, then I guess there is nothing that I can do.

If you're reading this, I just want to tell you that just because I'm not IN love with you doesn't mean that I don't love you at all. You are extremely special to me, and I will always love you. You're my princess, and you better not fucking forget that. Ever.
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