I liked the idea of this exercise because I play a game quite often that involves reading other people and being able to tell if they are being truthful or not. Because I am so familiar to this game, I chose to talk to people I play poker with to tell me how they feel about the topics at hand.
The one thing that was cool about this exercise was that the people who I talked to all gave me similar answers for everything, so it made my life rather easy. When dealing with when they want to know how someone thinks, they mostly gave the simple answer of "ask." They said that you may not always get an answer, but it never hurts because even if they do not give you an answer, they might do something non-verbal to tip you off. This leads right into the second part, which is how do they know when someone is deceiving them? This part is a little bit trickier, because there are some good liars out there. The most common answer that I received was that if a person is bluffing, they may do something that they normally wouldn't do. If they normally don't talk at the table, they might start talking to the other player and begging them to make the call to try and show strength. The old addage is that if they act strong, they are weak, and if you act weak, you are strong.
For non-verbals, the people that I talked to were, for the most part, aware of their non-verbal cues. They were aware of them because they were planned non-verbals that they use throughout the game to try throwing the other players off. They also said that when playing poker they would rather use non-verbal cues than verbal, but said that it does not hurt to open up your mouth every once in a while.
To end the conversation, I asked each individual if there was anything else that I was missing out on that added to the game and how to read people, and I received the same answer every time. Betting patterns. All players have betting patterns, and if you are able to learn how players bet with certain hands, you will be able to have a better idea of what the player is holding. They also threw in that the amount of chips that a player has can also help determine what type of hand that they have because if a player is short-stacked, it means that they are going to be much tighter with their betting and only play solid hands in order to dig themselves out of the hole. If a player has a big chipstack, they are more likely to be looser in their betting, playing marginal hands just to try and catch something.
I liked this activity because it let me relate one of my classes with something that I enjoy doing very much.
The first thing that I want to clear up is that I did not go to a place on campus to observe people, because I do not live on campus. I instead went to the bar, and said bar will remain nameless for the purpose of the exercise. Looking around the bar, you really realize that some people just need to open their eyes and get a clue. Seriously, it is somewhat sad. I realize that once upon a time, I was definitely one of those people that came to the bar to get so fucked up that they can't see straight when they finally leave, but those times of immaturity have since passed. Now it seems that every time I am at the bar, I cannot take a drink without getting bumped into by some drunk person that is never going to say excuse me, even if you end up spilling your drink all over them. It is always going to be your fault, no matter what. It is just the way it is. People don't talk to one another when they are drunk, either. No, no. They yell. They want to make sure that the person sitting two feet away from them can hear every word that they are saying, along with the rest of the bar. And then there are the non-verbal cues that you pick up. This might sound sexist, and I apologize in advance for that, but seriously, when a group of girls walks into a bar and they are all done up and in mini-skirts and heels, one can't help but think that they do not have a clue where they will wake up the next morning, but they can be pretty certain that it will be in a random bed next to some guy that they met that night. I am more of a chill kind of guy. I don't go to a bar to get tanked and make a fool of myself on the dance floor. Even if it is dollar pitcher night, I'll probably spend a couple dollars at most. Maybe that is why I get disgusted more and more. It is cool to celebrate your birthday at the bar, but seriously, if you're 29 years old, I think it is a little bit much. Especially if you have to go puke in the bathroom before you even leave. Seriously, grow up. I am glad that I do not work at the bar. The money would be pretty decent for a college kid, I'm sure, but I think I would just get really pissed off on most nights from people being idiots. My dad always told me that stupid people don't know that they are stupid, and for the most part, I have found that to be correct. I guess what I am trying to say after spending a few hours at the bar on a Thursday night is that people need to grow up. You can't stay young forever, so don't continue to try. If you are 30 years old and go to the bar four nights a week, I would highly recommend that you do some self-reflection and assess what your life has become. Now I know that may sound harsh to some, but truthfully, if you are not living up to your full potential, what is your true purpose in this world?
Throughout the course of writing this rant, I finally realized why I do not like to go to the bars very much anymore. How interesting...
Your humor's mostly innocent and off-the-cuff, but somehow there's something slightly menacing about you. Part of your humor is making people a little uncomfortable, even if the things you say aren't themselves confrontational. You probably have a very dry delivery, or are seriously over-the-top.
Your type is the most likely to appreciate a good insult and/or broken bone and/or very very fat person dancing.
PEOPLE LIKE YOU: David Letterman - John Belushi </td></tr> <tr> <td align="middle"> </td></tr></tbody></table>
My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
I haven't updated in quite some time. Summer has been quite busy. It seems like I have a lot of time to do things, but then again, with football and work, it is kind of hard. I do, however, manage to keep myself busy. Emily helps out a lot in that department. It is always such a pleasure to be around her. As rediculous as this might sound, and as much as it might piss off a little blonde haired girl that lives out in Seattle, I've fallen for her. Her 21st birthday was yesterday. I got her a 20 gig iPod with an engraving on the back of it. She was pretty pumped about it. I'm currently putting a shitload of cd's on my iTunes so that she can upload them. We went out to the bars last night and did what you do when someone turns 21. It was a really good time. Some random guy from a super small town around here who "didn't know Emily very well, but was the same year as her in high school" bought her a shot and for the picture asked me if he could put his arm around my girlfriend. I thought that was a little weird that he asked, seeing as how Emily was the one that wanted the picture. Come to find out, he apparently told her how hot she was. Haha. When she told me that this morning, it made me kind of chuckle because he couldn't have been more obvious about it at the time. Tomorrow is Harrison's first show in Springfield. I'm pumped to see Matt. I haven't hung out with him in ages. Then, apparently, Emily is going to come back on Friday because some more of our friends have a show here in town at a bar. What's that I hear??? 25 cent drafts on Fridays at Bogart's!!!! Needless to say, we're getting fucked up for five dollars. That is awesome. Saturday, we're going to Carbondale for a party, and then Sunday is Deeder's birthday. Monday is Ang's birthday (I could never forget that), and then Thursday is mine. The big 22. I'm excited. Alright, I gotta go and stop fucking rambling about shit that no one really cares about. Peace, bitches.
Except for one. Well, maybe I should clarify. Girls who have been significant others in my life, for the most part are stupid. There's A. Was with her for five years of my life. Have been great friends with her over those five years and even since things have been over. Have met, on numerous occasions, guys that she is dating/has a crush on/who have a thing for her, and not one time was I ever rude in the least. ONE TIME she meets someone else who is special to me and I walk away disugusted. One fucking time for five fucking minutes. I was absolutely embarrassed that Emily had to go through that. It really chapped my ass. Oh well, I guess. I'll be able to live my life knowing that I'm not the one who pushed a friendship away. Then there is L. We had a little fling, and it meant a lot at the time. She is young, and still has yet to go to college. She thinks she knows what she wants, but I'm not really sure that she does. She still has a lot to experience in life. She says that she loves me, and that she is sad that I have a girlfriend. But then again, she lives in Seattle. So it would be unrealistic for anything between her and I to be happening right now anyway. Emily worries about L, but she shouldn't. Emily is the only one that I have eyes for. She is awesome. Then there is C. I dated her for three months during the first semester of school last year. She left for Spain and the shit kinda hit the fan. I made some livejournal entries that included some of the emails that she sent to me... Ones that I felt were absolutely ridiculous at the time. Well, when she got back, she read my livejournal. Wow. Didn't see that one coming. She flipped out on me like none other. Not saying I didn't deserve it. It was a dick move on my part. Things are better now. So that is good.
I don't really know why I made this entry. Maybe because things are becoming very clear to me. Especially about A. I love her, and am always going to love her no matter what. But at the same time, I just wish there was some sort of common ground that we could reach that was free of hostility and one-upping. Here's to wishful thinking, I guess.
So tomorrow... Yeah. Probably the most important day of my life up to this point. I have an interview in Chicago tomorrow. At 1pm. Wish me luck. It means the world to me. I love you all, and hope you're sleeping well. Ang, I'm sorry I didn't call tonight. I will call you tomorrow after I'm done. I love you all. Goodnight, good fight.
I'm not sure if I'm depressed or angry or sad or what. All I know is that I was looking through all of the files I have accumulated throughout college thus far, and I came across an essay that I wrote my freshman year. It is dated February 4th, 2003. I read it, and then read it again. It brought back so many memories, and it also made me cry.
Here is what I wrote on that night...
Just the other day, the most unusual and unbearable idea ran through my mind in the way that a sprinter runs towards the finish line.The idea, though, was not characteristic of a sprinter, but more that of a distance runner constantly circling my head as if the track were its surroundings.I decided that it must be the right thing if it stuck out as much as it did.My relationship with Angela had to be put on hold, for now at least.
The long, painful process began prior to Christmas break.It seemed as though talking on the phone had become routine to us; we were running out of things to say in between the pauses of awkward silence that rang in our ears.Every time we talked, it just dragged on and on like a puzzle that had an infinite number of pieces.It was evident in both of our minds that the end was drawing near, but we decided that we were going to stick it out over Christmas break and see how things went.
Break came and went, and things were back to normal.The three weeks we had with each other went wonderfully and at its end, we decided that even though the 300 miles between Milwaukee and Jacksonville were a tough obstacle, we would work through it.Soon after we returned to our schools, things started falling apart, as they had before.It came to be the most frustrating thing that I have ever had to experience.The feeling of wanting to see someone you can’t day in and day out for weeks, sometimes months at a time, and knowing that there isn’t a thing you can do about it.
The night of January 29th snuck up on us quickly and, in my head at least, hasn’t passed yet.By the time we each hung up the phone that late night saying, “this is for the best,” and “I love you,” the time was around on Thursday morning.That meant that it was January 30th, exactly three years and six months since the night of a first date that spawned a best friend, and eventual love.
I knew when I hung up the phone that this was real.This wasn’t a high school relationship anymore, and it wasn’t going to be anytime soon that we got back together, if ever.That fact is what scared me the most.After three and a half years of being with someone, I’m scared of being alone.It’s not because I’ve never been alone before, or ever had a broken heart, but more because the feelings that I had when I was on my own have long since been forgotten.You stroll into each new day not knowing if it is going to be a regular day, or if it is going to be the day that you meet someone you think is an amazing person.Angela is an amazing person, and it is this that I remind myself of every single day.
Thinking to myself that weeks and months will go by, and that the two of us will meet new people day in and day out, only to constantly compare those that we find attractive to what we so recently had, I started to smile.Even though my eyes were still puffy from the salty river they had created just a few minutes before, this thought gave me a sense of comfort.I love Ang, and I know that she loves me.The time just wasn’t right for us.Her last sentence before hanging up the phone rang in my head like an annoying school bell, only her words were powerful rather than annoying.“It was time that ripped us apart, and you have to have faith that it is time that will eventually bring us back together,” she said.I knew she was right, and so did she.
I realize that it has only been five days since we made the decision to split, and no matter what happens between us this is something that I don’t think I’ll ever completely get over.Words can’t describe the emotions that ran through my head that evening.Feelings of helplessness, guilt, anger, and emptiness swelled up in my body, making it hard to move.The wet pillowcase beneath me stuck to my face as I finally put forth a decent effort to get out of my bed.I walked to the bathroom to splash cold water on my face, hoping it would help me calm down.It didn’t.I went back to my bed and again, I cried.
I had completely forgotten that I had written this. It was over two years ago, but still to this day, everything in it is true.
Ang graduates very soon. Her last class was yesterday, and she was very excited to be done. I, too, was very excited for her. She is a big girl now. All gradyamatating and all that good stuff. I'm really, really happy for her. I hope that when she goes back home, she is able to eventually find a job and do something that makes her happy. I have witnessed her work too damn hard over the past four years to deserve anything less than something that will make her happy. I know we want to kill each other sometimes, but here's to you, Ang. Congratulations, and I love you.
Amidst all of the school work piling up on my desk, I've been working to put on a show in Jacksonville for the 14th of May. Please, Please, Please come out to the show. It is the Forecast's cd release show for Victory Records and it is one of, if not the only time that Planes Mistaken for Stars has come to play in Jacksonville. They don't come back to Illinois very often, so lets give them a nice homecoming. What do you say???
Amvets located at 210 E. Court St. in Jacksonville. Show starts at 7 pm. $6 All Ages.
It's been some time since we've last corresponded. I've been doing a lot of thinking today. Thinking about all the people in my life and really how important they are to me. Even though things between you and I were somewhat rocky there for a while, I just wanted you to know that you really mean a lot to me and that I love you. Not in an "in love" sort of way, but I think you get the picture. Derek died a year ago tonight, and one thing that I regret is never telling him how much I loved him and how much his friendship meant to me. I don't want to make the same mistake twice. Not saying that anyone is going to die or anything, but you just never know. I want you to know that I don't regret anything that happened between you and me, and I truely hope that you don't either. You really mean a shit ton to me, and I hope that Spain is treating you well.
P.S. I'm not sure why I'm going to tell you this, but for some reason I just feel like it is necessary. If there is one thing that I have learned in the last year, it is this: Never, ever sell yourself short. If you want to do something, do it. If you fall in love with someone, go for it. Even if they are thousands of miles away, go for it. There is nothing stronger than the feeling of love, and if there is distance, that feeling of love is the one thing that will make it work. Love, in the end, conquers all, and without love, I probably wouldn't be typing this to you right now.
Hurting someone that you care about is a really hard thing to do. Especially when, because of being strong for once and not being emotional, the person thinks that you don't care about them. It bothers me. A lot. I really care about Ang, and I care about her future, and her happiness. I do my best to make her happy. When she is stressed and calls late at night, I try to make her smile at least a little bit. I'll admit, though, after a while, it gets somewhat hard to replay the same scenario five times in one week (I might be exaggerating a little bit, but not much). I realize that I hurt Ang. I never intended to. It wasn't like a lightbulb went off in my head and I said "I think I'll tell Ang that I'm not in love with her anymore." All that I have ever wanted is for the two of us to be happy. Whether it be with each other or without, I just wanted the two of us to be happy in the end. And all the while, I thought we would be able to remain friends through it. At one point, we even talked about Ang being a groomsmen in my wedding and I would be a bridesmaid in hers. Comical, yes. But the conversation really took place. That was when we weren't together (just like we havne't been in a long, long time)... When we were "friends."
Something happened between another girl and I, and it felt right. I realize that when Ang thinks about it she probably wants to vomit. Trust me... Been there before. I could have completely beat around the bush and not told Ang about it at all, but I didn't want to do that. I couldn't do that. All I want is for her to open her eyes and see that I was completely honest with her about everything. And that through that honesty, I showed her an amazing amount of respect. I didn't run and hide, and I didn't keep her in the dark. I flat out told her. I want us to be friends. If she doesn't want that, then I guess there is nothing that I can do.
If you're reading this, I just want to tell you that just because I'm not IN love with you doesn't mean that I don't love you at all. You are extremely special to me, and I will always love you. You're my princess, and you better not fucking forget that. Ever.
I'm setting up a show in Jacksonville at the Amvets on May 14th. Playing will be Park, Planes Mistaken for Stars, The Forecast (cd release), and Red Cloud. Before Park confirmed that they would be playing (which is still somewhat in question, I guess) I emailed Mike Kinsella, also known as "Owen" (formerly of American Football, The Owls, Joan of Arc, Cap'n Jazz) to ask him if he would be interested in headlining the show. This was over a month ago that I emailed him. Today I received an email back. It read:
sorry about the delayed response.
thanks for the show offer, but i think i'll have to pass. you should tell the planes boys that i say "hi" though... mk
Kind of a dissapointment. But oh well, I suppose. Maybe next time.
I guess I have always thought that there was something to be said about being honest with people, but I'm finding out that I was wrong. I'm not really sure what is going to happen to me this afternoon, let alone a week from now. I can't control who I meet, and I can't control the affect that they have on me. All I can do is control the controllable, and my emotions are always something that I have let run free. It is probably my biggest flaw. I'm sorry that I hurt you. What else can I say? Nothing, because nothing will change the way that you feel. So, even if I DO love you... Even if a small piece of my heart belongs to you, like I always said it would no matter what ever happened between us, I'm not going to tell you. You so adamently put the words "I don't love you" in my mouth, so I'm just not going to say it.
Oh, and just to clarify... About Briody. WE DID NOT GET INTO A FIGHT!!! I asked, you told, and sure I was upset, but I didn't get mad at you at all. I distinctly remember a phone conversation from our first semester this year talking about it, and you told me that you thought that I had a right to flip out, but you were surprised and appreciated the fact that I didn't. I'll recite the conversation for you if you would like. There was no fight, so drop the argument.
Excuse me while I go jump out of my window. Maybe if I broke my leg or something it would make my stomach feel a little bit better. And just so you know, I don't deserve this either.
The concert was on Sunday night. 138 kids came to it. Not going to lie, I was kind of dissapointed about that. However, I had quite a few people tell me that it was one of the best shows that they had ever been to, which made me feel really, really good. After the concert was all done with, the guys from Chiodos (who fucking blew the lid off the place and completely amazed everyone!!!) played "Quantum Mechanics and Hydrodynamics" acoustic for a small group of us. It was really cool. Overall, I was decently pleased with how everything went. I think the guys from Chiodos were pretty pumped about how things went, too, because they had never played around here before and they sold over $200 in merch.
On to new news. About thirty minutes ago, I cut off all of my hair. It is now one-inch long. I think I like it a little bit better. I'm going bald, but I don't fucking care. I have to go now though, because I'm going to dinner in Springfield with Kevin, Richard, and Gabe. Later, everyone.
So girls with the name Carrie, or Carey are really stupid, essentially. I forwarded Carrie (the dumb one in Spain with the Latin lover) all of the pictures that she sent to me right back to her and told her that she could keep them. This morning I got an email from her asking what my deal is and why I'm "acting this way." I just sent her one back that basically said how good I have been to her throughout everything and how even when she totally treated me like shit, I was still her friend and tried to help her out through some rough times. Then I said fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Shame on me this time, I guess. Hopefully after reading that, she will understand why I don't answer her phone calls, and why it has taken me this long to email her back. She's fucking stupid and needs to realize that people just don't do that kind of shit. I have never hit a girl... well... except for one. She is a stupid bitch, though, and totally hit me first(agree, Ang???). Anyway, this is one of those situations where I just totally wish I could be playing catch with a football with Carrie and just launch one right into her melon. Maybe that would make all the screws fall back into the right place and she would realize how fucking stupid she is. Whatever though. I'm just babbling about something that probably isn't even worth thinking and/or talking about. Hope you all have a lovely day.
P.S. The next girl that I talk to that has the name Carrie, or Cari, or Carey... It doesn't matter. If it is Carrie and is spelled with a C, I'm getting the fuck out of dodge.
Alright kids. All of you in the Springfield/Jacksonville/Anywhere in Central Illinois area:
One week from today...
Sunday, April 3rd @ Illinois College Lower Quad
PARK (Springfield, IL / Lobster Records)
Chiodos (Flint, MI / Equal Vision Records)
The Forecast (Peoria, IL / Victory Records)
Fire When Ready (New York)
Halfway Home (Orange County, CA / Deathscene Recordings)
Show will start right around 6:00 pm. Do whatever you have to do, but please come if you can, and please bring people. Copy this and repost it in your lj and tell all your friends about it. It will be a really good show, I promise. And for all of you Central Illinois kids who haven't been introduced to Michigan Post-Hardcore... Chiodos is going to totally kick your ass. Speaking of asses, I worked mine off putting this show together, so please, please, please come out. Thank you.